THE MASK

A PLEASER  /  OR RAPAPORT

I heard this story a long time ago and I don’t know
who wrote it…


“THE MASK”

Once upon a time there was a cranky man.
Let’s call him Bill.
Bill used to complain about everything and likewise
to ignore other people feelings. His colleagues called
him “Grumbler”. Nobody liked him.  He was ugly inside
and outside. One day he saw a beautiful  young
woman and fell in love with her. The minute he saw her,
he made up his mind: he will marry her no matter what.
Being very much aware of his ugliness, he entered a shop
and bought a special mask of a gorgeous smiling contented
man. He put it on his face, went to the young lady and
graciously asked her to date  him.
She accepted his offer, and not long after that- they
got married.
After 20 years of a happy fulfilling marriage,
with three beautiful children  he decided
to take off the mask, and tell his wife the truth
about who he really is. He stood in front of the
mirror and took off the mask. He was so afraid
to look at his reflection.  Finally he did it.
He was shocked to see his face. Can you
imagine what he saw?
He saw that his face became exactly as the mask’s.
He had to tell nothing to his wife. Nothing
to confess about.


If we behave in a certain way for a while,
it doesn’t just influence us – it makes who
we really are. The mask we put on at work,
at home – becomes the real us.
And vise versa,
we can create ourselves every day.

We can decide who we really want to be. which
mask will define who we are: which mask
we should pick: The nice-guy-mask, the
smart one, the jester-one or, as many others
had decided that they no longer want to be the
pleasers. They want to be nice and respectful but
assertive: to stick to their own values, and desires.
They don’t want to be manipulated by other
people expectations.
They want to be honest with themselves,
to give a compliment only when it’s for
real. Dr. Rivka Nardi wrote a great book
about assertiveness. She named it: “To Be Assertive”.
Actually, the term “assertive” is taken from
court-terminology. Advocates assert that…  To
assert means to declare, claim or insist.
You can assert your opinion, which is to give
it in a decided, positive way, or assert
your right to something …

We can mention three behavior
levels:  The first one –  is the passive-way,  The second – is
the aggressive way and the third –  is the
ultimate – assertive way.
Imagine that everyone has a virtual-hoop
around him, which defines his space.
The space of standpoints, needs, feelings, values, etc.
Being passive means to allow others to
invade your hoop. Being aggressive means to invade other people hoop, Being assertive – means
to prevent others (from) invading your
hoop, as well as respectfully keeping
away from other’s hoop.
Dr. Nardi writes in her book that
being assertive means to be able to say
“No” without anger, to stand up for
your rights and not apologizing
about it. (see “Your Rights” -page 62)
The  ten rights: The first one is the right
to be assertive, and the last one – is our
right to be nonassertive.    It’s o.k. to be
weak, as long as it’s not our steady mask.
If you use to wear these kinds of masks-
the weak-mask, the passive-mask- you
should  strongly try to change it.
Choose the assertive-mask. It’s up to you.
You can do it. Yes you can!

Share


השאר תגובה

! בקרוב

The Remarkable Joel Osteen:

מונה יומי: 100,000,000
    ? אפשר שנייה מזמנך
    לאתר משלך
    לבניית אתר משלך / לדף נחיתה / לבלוג / לנוכחות עסקית ברשת החברתית התקשר: 052-8949236 אור רפפורט
    :המלצה על הקורס תטא-הילינג
    בהנחייתה המדהימה של הגב' ניצה מזר יניב. ההמלצה מיועדת למי שכבר הבין שאין לנו, בני האדם, יכולת לפרש את כל תופעות עולמנו ע"י המדע. אני אומרת זאת כמי שחונכה על ברכי המדע. אבי, פרופ' בועז פופר, בעברו, מרצה בכיר בטכניון, איש רב תארים, שחקר והתמחה בין השאר, בתורת היחסות של אינשטיין. כפי שאני רואה זאת, יכולתנו מוגבלת להבין רק מציאות של יש מ - יש, ואילו היקום נברא יש- מאין. לכן אני מאמינה במשהו שגדול מאתנו הרבה הרבה יותר. המון יותר. בקורס תטא-הילינג הבנתי שלכל אחד מאתנו יש יכולת מדהימה לנגישות ומיידיות לתקשר, לחזות, לשנות, לצוות ולא לייחל.לדרוש ולהיענות !
    



           תגיות: הצבת גבולות|אסרטיביות|טיפים לחיים|ארגון|מחנכת|רפפורט|אור|אור רפפורט|ייעוץ זוגי|חינוך ילדים|תכנון זמן|מערך שיעור|מערכים|פוטושופ|ארגון בית| |ניהול זמן|גבולות|בית|חינוך|יועצת|טיפים לחינוך ילדים|בתים|תכנון|